Oh I don't know...

Well here I am again, hoping to have someone read this, but dreading that they might.

I had a fight of sorts, as far as fights go around here, with my husband. I was speaking with his brother who tends to go be very conversational, and in fact probably waits until Raoul (not his real name) is away to get me to shovel the dirt. It's pretty good dish, but the point is that Raoul doesn't tell his family things that I wouldn't dream keeping secret for more than a day or two!! I think this makes me more healthy, he thinks that it only makes me a blabber-mouth. The truth is somewhere in between. The issue at large is the expectation of another grand child. This time from his side of the gene pool. His son is 21 years old and not married, but living with the mother of his child. I would prefer that all of our children be married before procreating, but you don't get to choose when you become a grandparent. We have 2 already, and being a grandparent is so damn much better than being a parent it is amazing. Anyway, he hasn't even told his parents! This child has been in the oven for 4 months. I took the mama to the hospital the other day to check out a potential problem, and this was the topic of my conversation with Raoul's brother. After it popped out of my mouth, I realized he didn't know about the little bundle of joy! Oh shit, damn it even! I could not believe it! So I tried to back out, but he wouldn't let me. So I spilled the beans. He promised not to tell anyone, but encouraged me to tell Raoul to give it up to his folks. I felt like an ass, and knew that Raoul would be upset.

So Raoul got very upset because he is so embarrassed by the continuing saga is his children! His boys have generally been on the edge of the sinking end of "sink or swim", but how much of that is his fault? Their mom died when they were 10, which wasn't more than a couple of years after they divorced. This tragedy came about when I was married to Raoul for about a year. It was horrific. Little kids without their mama. The boys just never came back all of the way after it. I should add that the boys are identical twins, and the first born of Raoul and his first wife. Very precious first arrivals, blonde darlings. One of the boys is a heroin addict. This is very odd for us because we are such a middle class normal family. I think that is what gets him the most. Why are his kids this way if he is so normal and has tried really hard to be a good parent. How much responsibility do parents have for the way a child turns out? What could he do to overcome such a tragedy? He tried to get the kids to go to counseling, but only the girl would go for any length of time. It upset me at the time that the death of "mama" was such a secret. Never mention the elephant in the pink suit in the middle of the room. "Mama" knew that she probably would not survive her cancer around Thanksgiving of the year before she passed. I hoped that she would tell the kids, but she never did. It was left to Rauol to tell them that their mother was not coming home from the hospital, some 6 months later. I remember the little girl screaming to her dad, "no dad, no! Bring her home!" I cried so hard I thought that I too, would die. It was not what I planned, and now we had 6 kids to raise. I wonder how things would've been different had she lived, or even brought the kids into the dying process, instead of dumping it on 3 young kids.

Would boy number 1 have become an addict even if "mama" had lived? Studies state that you are born with addictive tendencies, so what could Raoul have done to curb that? Of course, boy 1 didn't wake up one day and say, "hey, dad, I think I'll become an addict today". The problem was well under way before it came to light.

Then you have boy 2, who got his girlfriend pregnant. We know that he didn't plan it, but he has had time to think about the baby and is still living with his girlfriend and giving her support. At what point does an unplanned pregnancy become a "bad" thing and move into the "good" category. I say as soon as you come to grips with it. This is a baby, and babies are great! It's too bad that this baby didn't have the benefit of married parents, but now, let's get on with it.

I think that Rauol should say "Hey!! Guess what, I'm going to be a Grandpa!" That's what I did after yelling "oh my god, oh my god" a few times when my son told me about my first grandchild. I adore both of the grandkids he has given me. He was a baby himself when he had his first child, but he is moving on and raising his family. It is said, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade", but if it's a grandchild I think it is more like "Lemon Meringue Pie".

Babies are definitely the Pie in my sky. see ya later!

Marlajean

In the eye of the beholder

They say perspective is everything. I remember when I was young. I had very poor eyesight, but didn't know it. In third grade I realized that other students could see the chalk board and I couldn't. We were learning how to write cursive, and I was having problems. I asked my friend Dottie what was on the board and the teacher got made because I was talking in class. I tried to tell her what I needed, but she was a strict teacher and didn't want to hear it. It took another two months for the real problem to come to light. The eye test at school. One of those cover your left eye and point which way the arms of the "E"'s point. I couldn't even see the "E"s. So I went to the optometrist and got my first pair of glasses. (Cat-eyes)

I was amazed at how the REAL world looked!! Everything was different. The Christmas tree lights were clear and not a bunch of colorful blobs. I thought that my blurry, fuzzy view of the world was real. I thought that this was how everyone saw things. Stop lights were a new delight, the walk signal, I had never even SEEN IT. People at the end of the hall, I could see their faces and the buttons on the shirts that they were wearing. I could see FLOWERS. The color of someone's eyes from 3 feet away. Street name signs; I didn't know that they existed.

I had gotten good grades, but I don't know how as I couldn't see the blackboard. No wonder my penmanship was so bad, and still is! The weirdest part was when I went to a baseball game with my dad. I loved to go with dad to Spokane Indians ball games. I was amazed to SEE THE GAME. I had never seen the billboard at the back of the field. I wondered how my dad knew the score! I thought he knew every player PERSONALLY because I had no idea that there were names on the back of the players shirts. My prior "view" of the game was dad, hot dogs and the smell and sound of the game, the crack of the bat and the organist. I loved my view of the game.

The point of this rambling is that in an instant my entire life changed. My view of life was incomplete and wrong, but it was MY view and I thought it was fine, and it was - until that moment when it all changed.

There was one other moment in my "vision-quest", and that was the day that I got contact lenses. I was a freshman in high school, just entering. I had spent painful years as the shy homely girl with the thick glasses. Coke bottle eyes. I got these wonderful contact lenses and went to my first day of high school. Suddenly, people who would never speak to me saw me with new eyes. That was all it took to shed years of being ignored and ridiculed. Suddenly I was seen.

Perspective changes all. So what things are you convinced are the true view and aren't? Who have you judged by your view? What would it take for you to see with new eyes, and what would you do with that view? Or would you pull the blinds down?

See ya later, beautiful

Marlajean